Though I am intrigued by grammar and writing, I never claim to know all the rules or that I am higher up somehow because of this interest. Not at all to sound picky or like a grammar nazi, but I am very bothered by the fact that a noticeable amount of slogans use adjectives in an “adverbs” place. This blatant public aversion and almost fear of adverbs doesn’t quite make sense to me. They aren’t more confusing and difficult, they are just misunderstood. For some reason adverbs have been dismissed as this confusing, special case scenario used in scholarly writing by snooty people but really, they are just about as commonplace as the adjective (when used properly).
My issue is not so much about the grammar as it is ethical, I guess you could call it. Are these advertisers aware their slogan is inaccurate but it sounds catchier that way so they keep it? If so, where are their priorities? Their greater concern is promoting their product, despite any misconceptions about the rules of English their ads may cause? So many commercials are just stuffed with misused adjectives in their catchphrases and I sincerely believe that has a great impact on how people perceive adjectives vs. adverbs, even if only at a subconscious level.
Everywhere you see a variation of the phrase “(whatever it is we sell) done right.” For example, a tire company will have “Tires done right.” Tires maybe done right but grammar done wrong. For whatever reason though, if they had had “Tires done correctly” as their slogan, they probably would have been looked at as satirically mocking their perceived as dimwitted customers (because the second you condone proper English, you’ve suddenly become a know-it-all talking down to all the pitiful humans).
I think it’s about time the adverb was reinvented. It’s public perception needs to re-constructed to show is not some kind of grammatical burn used by the learned to show off their skills. The way it is taught needs to be re-evaluated — if you present it as something difficult to understand, then people will shy away from it. It’s not an optional thing to learn. In my experience, it has been an extremely essential and useful concept. Team Adverb! Who’s with me??
Let’s take a look back at my 2010 Checklist and highlight a few of my desired accomplishments:
1. Blog or write something everyday. FAIL!
And by everyday, I meant every couple of months. So, this resolution is already a failure; I think it was doomed from the start. I could say I’ve been too busy to keep up with this but there’s no way of twisting that into truth. I could say I’ve had nothing to say but that’s a lie also. I could also say I’ve been spending a lot of my time watching Lie To Me and now that….that’s the truth. (Tim Roth is amazing and you know why? According to imdb, he and Gary Oldman are pretty good friends. yess Gary Olddmannn!!)
19. Care for my car EPIC FAIL!
Not only did I just not keep up with when to change the oil or rotate the tires, I’ve decided my car has some sort of leprosy/osteoporosis/combination every deteriorating disease known to man. He’s completely falling apart in the most random of ways. Sure, Vladimir is almost 20 years old but he’s a Toyota so that’s takes off a couple years.
First of all, Vlad is having attachment issues. The automatic over the shoulder seat belt stopped functioning which wasn’t too surprising; I always suspected it would happen one day. But if it just decided to all together not work, that would be okay. Instead, without rhyme or reason, it occasionally decides my protection is worth it again and closes in on me midway through the drive. And once it starts hugging me, it doesn’t want to let go. The normal procedure is one opens the door, the seatbelt follows on its track to open up the set, then when one is seated and has closed the door, the seatbelt then comes back in place, securing the driver in the seat. Vladimir however, does not release when I open the door so I have to awkwardly try to limbo under the seatbelt. Midway through the limbo though, what does he do? Releases the seatbelt, carrying my along all awkwardly tangled amidst it. I used to think Herbie was a little far-fetched, but now I’m a believer. Cars definitely have minds of their own.
Along with the seat belt issues, one of the back windows stopped working as well. It went down, but refused to go back up. We could have just done the quick fix trash bag or taken it to a professional but no. We had to make matters worse. My brother and I took off the faceplate of the car door, convinced it was a quick fix once we took a look inside. It was a dead motor so we unattached the glass from the kajigger thingy and jimmied the window back up into a closed position… but nothing would hold it there. So we managed to wedge some scrap pieces of wood inside the door to hold the window up. It was pretty flimsy though – basically, if my car went over a the tiniest bump, the glass would fall. Ta-da, your own homemade guillotine! We eventually worked out a better, just as McGyvor-ish solution involving a coat hanger and some crumpled newspaper.
Vladimir is also one-eyed and not an ambi-turner. Meaning – he only has one headlight and one working turn signal. Classy.
My personal favorite defect has to do with the core connection between the automobile and the human – the bond, the Tsaheylu. That is to saying the keys in the ignition – or rather, the lack of keys in the ignition. Lets say I take a turn to sharply or my leg bumps the dangling keys. They will just fall out of the ignition. It’s not that they are heavy; I have three keys and a keychain. They just fall. My car doesn’t turn off or seem at all affected by that fact that the keys are not in anymore. It simply trudges on.
I guess all this, as well as the bad paint job and upside down mismatched tail lights is enough for Vladimir to just loose any interest and dignity. Through it all though, I gotta say he’s a pretty dependable(ish) car.
24. Go on a road trip Success!
Well, hello Beach, my old friend. I’ll be there soon (today). Yes, Summer Reading is coming as well. Oh, the old gang, back together again!
Note: We will not be taking my car.
Keeping with the cars theme, please enjoy this footage of the creepiest looking guy ever, no offense.
I had a weekend filled with puns and grammar fun, which inspired me to finally make this little cartoon, though I’m sure this joke has been made before. I helped with my town’s Founders’ Day festival, which had a baseball theme this year. On the particular float with which I helped, we had a banner across the back that read “Go Home Team!”, to show our support for our home town and our togetherness as a community. After the frustration of preparing for the festival had accumulated, though, we were very much tempted to add in a little comma after Home; to reflect our dislike of the whole thing at that moment and our desire for the chaos to just be over with, the sign would have then said “Go Home, Team!”
At any rate, we overcame our moment of mischief, rethought the punctuation change and got 2nd in show. I am convinced that comma would have sold it and bumped us into 2st place.
As another one of my various volunteer duties, I was also the official ticket taker for a kiddie train ride. One of the kids who was waiting in line, had apparently just consumed twice his size in sugar and was amidst a sugar rush. He had a hilarious joke to share with me, which, due to its absolute awesomeness, I must now share with you.
The jittery shaking boy riddled me this: “You are riding your lawn mower, mowing the grass, and your cat gets stuck underneath. You run over your cat and chop off its tail. Where do you take it to fix it?”
I was prompted to ask where.
“Wal- Mart,” he bursts,” because they are the biggest… RE-TAILER!!”
The boy commences a laughing fit that has him rolling in the grass. I don’t know which was funnier – the way he told the joke, or his reaction to it. Either way, I found his joke hilarious and he was pleased. The train arrived and as he boarded, I heard him asking the kid beside him if he would like to hear a joke. The train took off at a whopping 2 mph and a couple minutes later, I heard the little boy shout the punchline and again, succumb to his cackling. It was great.
“We ain’t got no principles………We can’t even think of a word that rhymes!!”
(Gruesome Twosome Tour is coming to Charlotte this month so pardon me if I’ve got Alice Cooper on my mind)
But it’s fitting, school really is winding down and for me, it’s the end of an era – the final days of high school – forever. I won’t have to came back here next year and half of these people I will never see again – and suddenly I want to know them.
I spent my years here as a recluse, content on my island. (island, LOST, what?) I made little effort to reach out to others (the others, LOST, what?!) and was presented with failed attempts when I did try to connect, finding that we had almost nothing in common. I didn’t mind though.
But now, the impending end gives me the feeling of so much freedom. Freedom to make awkward attempts to talk to my classmates or to be myself no matter the possibility of embarrassing consequences. Nothing is holding me back now because I have nothing to fear (that which is an irrational fear in the first place.)
It’s a liberating feeling, the thought of finally being released from these shackles of homework, mindgames and the complete other reality that high school is, combined with the feeling that I can be whoever I want today.
So much of people’s selves spend their days in hiding, conditioning their personalities to match the atmosphere. While to a degree that should hold true in the concept known as ‘manners’ but when does holding back as a courtesy become hindering your true self from shining?
Why can’t we live every day like it’s our last day of high school?
Take Conan’s last days as the host of the Tonight Show. These were the best of his time there. For six months, he ws trying to be the “acceptable, likeable Tonight Show host,” and it was just unnatural. When he knew he was canceled, he broke out old Late Night Conan from storage and it was beautiful. He didn’t worry, because he had nothing to lose. That’s a mind set we should all adopt. Why are we so afraid?
Life is too short, so love the one you got. ‘Cause you might get run over or you might get shot.
Here to play us out (whatever that means) is a fitting song, the Sublime classic “What I Got”
We all know recognize this chant from the playground, said by the sore losers to feel important. If you really consider it, when has the second ever been best?
The premiere of Iron Man 2 is just days away and I’m getting excited! While I don’t know the conditions surrounding Terrence Howard’s decision not to the return so I am trying not to be biased against Don Cheadle, I would have loved to have seen Howard up there as War Machine.
The situation is similar to that of the two Dumbledores.The original Dumbledore I feel had an impeccable portrayal and he set a precedent that unfortunately, he could no longer fulfill and could not be matched by his replacement. In the hearts and minds of the entire Harry Potter universe, the second Dumbledore, try as he might, just can’t seem to live up to the first.
This is where perspective and order of presentation of information comes into play on our opinions. Had we never been exposed to the idea of Terrence Howard as War Machine, would we be content with Don Cheadle in the role? Had we never known the greatness of the first Dumbledore, would we have even known what we were missing with the second?
Remakes and recasts are always greeted with a cold reception, though we sometimes may eventually come around to the idea. It’s almost like a parental instinct to protect that which we love; or it is a reflection of our own fear of being replaced by someone else – to be tossed aside like yesterday’s news to watch the world crowd around what should have been you. We all seem to have this tendency to flavor the originals in most cases. My question is: Is the first thing genuinely better? or do sentiments come in and cloud the judgement? I wonder…
Marvel Musings
Also, Iron Man 2 is just one of the many movies Marvel has in the works to eventually led to an Avengers movie. And as part of this process, there is all this talk about reinventing Spiderman? Makes sense, I mean it’s crazy to think Sam Raimi’s Spiderman is already like a decade old?? I’m pretty sure that just happened. Anyway, I am all for discontinuing the Toby Maguire as Spiderman movies because they just…were losing it. I love Sam Raimi and I loved what he did with Doc Oc but Spiderman 3 was just terrible.
Rumors say Joe Jonas is a possibility for the new Spiderman? Honestly, I think the guy has potential as an actor but he would need to fill out his acting resume a bit more before taking on a role like that. I am not as against it as most are, though. I think he has a chance.
Jake Gyllenhaal was also in talks for the role. He would be perfect I think, but too similar to Toby Maguire at this point.
My choice for Spiderman: Milo Ventimiglia (aka Peter Petrelli)
People might think I am biased towards Jay after the 2010 late night wars, but the truth is my dislike for him has been alive and well for quite some time now. He is mildly funny, but in the typical way. He always tells the expected jokes and if you ask me, that’s just not enough for the host of the Tonight Show or the speaker at the White House Correspondents’ Association Dinner.
He also has no political edge, either, which is in no way a requirement but I think it is preferred in a comedian speaking at a political event. While just saying Sarah Palin’s name might be enough to conjure a laugh from his normal audience, he needed to go just a little deeper than that for last night’s crowd. (Or, preferably, he should have just stayed away from Palin all together. She’s an irrelevant dead horse.)
Here I have compiled a list, in no particular order, of ten (out of the millions) of the speakers I would have rather seen.
1. Brian Williams. He is funny guy, and he is updated in the political world. He played along with Bonnie Hunt’s tv man crush; he knows how to joke around and be likable about it. He did a skit for the dinner in 1999 but I would like to hear him speak. On that note…I wouldn’t mind seeing Bonnie Hunt up there.
2. Lewis Black. The ultimate satirist. We know a hint of insanity from the speaker is acceptable since they’ve had Wanda Sykes and Craig Ferguson on, so that’s no a problem. Black may have trouble keeping it clean enough for the black-tie crowd though.
3. Jerry Seinfeld. Everyone has appreciated at least one Seinfeld joke in his/her life. I was actually pretty surprised that he had not been a featured speaker before. If you want to steer free of controversial entertainment, Seinfeld knows when to be respectful and he’s just a downright class act.
4. Joan Rivers. I don’t particularly find her that funny but to me it seems like a sensible choice, and she hasn’t been a speaker yet. After guest hosting for Johnny so often and just looking at her career, she is so intertwined with the world populated by the same people attending this dinner. She would be a favorite, I think.
5. Jon Stewart. This would be perfect. I mean, it is a correspondents’ dinner after all. They could have the whole Daily Show gang out there reporting, or have a skit going.
6. John Oliver. If they can’t go all out getting the entire Daily Show cast, I would be fine with just getting John Oliver in there. He is hilarious, and to those who think he isn’t, they can be just as equally entertained by his accent. He may be a bit over top for an event like this but every one seems tame after Colbert.
7. Kathy Griffin. Just kidding, that would be terrible. But, in comparison to Jay Leno, if these were my only two choices and I was forced to decide, I would rather have Kathy than Jay.
8. Ellen Degeneres. I actually am serious about her. She could easily liven up that dinner with her humor and her energy. Her focus isn’t really on making fun of other people, which is what has caused problems for others in the past – but in a way it is somewhat the nature of the event. She could just get up there and dance if she wanted to.
9. Joe Biden. I don’t know the particular etiquette of the dinner and if having the vice president speak is an ill advised practice – but if it would not be considered odd, let Biden up there to ramble for a while. He’s got jokes.
10. Jimmy Fallon. If you wanted a late night talk show host, why not give the newbie a shot? Jay Leno has spoken at the dinner before anyway. Fallon could break out his impressions, butcher his comedic timing, laugh nervously and mumble a little bit. It would be great.
And it goes without saying…that had he not been busy with his Legally Prohibited to be Funny on Television Tour, we would have loved to have seen Conan O’Brien get up there again.
**Jay Leno was booked as entertainment before The Jay Leno Show was canceled or known to be on the road to cancellation.
At any rate, Obama killed it. They could have ended with him and that would have been fine. Nothing political, but you gotta admit he is pretty funny.
I remember in the dawn of this blog, I refused to make this a chronicling my life online diary type deal – but a day as rewarding as this one deserves a note. It began with breakfast, accompanied by a light fresh morning movie – Iron Man. Let me just say there is no better way to start the day than by enlightening a friend by exposing her to the awe that is Robert Downey Jr. as Iron Man. I’m considering making it part of the daily morning routine. Breakfast, brush teeth, get dressed, watch Iron Man with an unfortunate newbie and make his/her life better.
We planned to bring bags-o-books to sell to the local used bookstore but first went to Java K’s Coffeehouse, for a smoothie and a cherry white chocolate frozen mocha something that was really good. At Java K’s, and most coffeehouses, they have the open bookshelf system set up, where you can take a book if you leave a book. Amidst the Dean Koontz and romance “novels”, I found a completely random book titled “I Before E (except after C).” It was a guide of helpful mnemonics and techniques for remembering such things as the order of the planets (though irrelevant after the whole Pluto debacle) , when to use lay/lie, order of the presidents… etc. It was an unexpected find that was both useful and intriguing. I traded it out. First sign that today was a good day.
Onward to the main event: Ed McKay’s. I am not sure if I could ever accurately express my love for Edward McKay’s. It is a used bookstore where you can buy/sell used books, cds, movies, iPods, video games, audiobooks, game systems, board games… everything (pretty much). It has an environment.. that simply cannot be fabricated. It has genuine uniqueness and starving artist vibe that should come off as sketchy but surprisingly doesn’t. I love the place for the thrill of the hunt – going in never knowing exactly what you will find but 99% of the time coming out completely satisfied. The trick is to go in without expectations. If you are looking for something particular, you will not find it. Such is the nature of Ed McKay’s. You have to go in open minded, and let it led you.
I visited the grand ole Edward McKay’s today with a friend and the thought of buying anything was not in my mind. I had come bearing books and games to sell. I was not going to be a customer today. I brought my items to the corner and while they were sorting my junkpile into stuff they wanted and didn’t want, we perused the store.
Being the cheap-os we are, we hit up the Free Section. My friend found the oldest copy of Hamlet ever; I believe it was copyright 400 B.C. if I remember correctly. She also spotted a book for me; it was an old literature textbook, I guess, just filled with Poes,Emersons, Wordsworths, Shakespeares, Emily Dickinson, Faulkners…918 page collection of shorts stories and poems placed into chapters, each with a focus on a certain literary element. For free. Thank you, Ed McKay’s. Thank you. I also found a free copy of All Quiet on the Western Front. I had attempted to read it once years ago and it just didn’t appeal to me. Suddenly, I was intrigued to try it again (no one can resist the allure of something free). This was satisfactory enough to be classified as a good run in my opinion, but the doubleplusgoodness continues.
We moved on to the dvd section. My friend has a dangerously tiny movie collection, and we found that unacceptable for a rising college student. So the trip was meant for her, to help expand her movie collection into something admirable. And that’s when I saw it.
There, leaning on Bargain Movie Bin…was Chocolat with Johnny Depp. For $3. By coming in here with the selfless intentions that I had, the store had rewarded me. Take note, that I have never seen Chocolat, and I only first heard of it referenced in I Love You, Man – but that was all I needed to know this movie is a classic… and would not at all feel out of place sitting next to Donnie Darko and Army of Darkness on my movie shelf. It was the sort of perfect joke and at the perfect price. It was quite serendipitous. It was quite serendipitous.
We searched the rest of the store and I grabbed $5 Fight Club, $4 Alien Ant Farm, $1 Poe and headed to the counter to collect a total of $102 for the books and games (half of which is my brothers’). Not a bad haul. Not a bad haul at all.
The cashier reviewed my selections and brought to my attention that Chocolat was in Thai and subtitled. Even better, I thought. We paid, left, and when I got home, I noticed a couple tiny marks on the spine of All Quiet on the Western Front, no doubt doodled there by the previous owner. I looked closer and gasped at what I saw. Swastikas. Awkward.
So, here I am now, hours upon hours later, reviewing my collection. It is beautiful, in a random, broken way – like starring onto the Island of Misfit Toys. They all had different backgrounds, had taken different paths but they had all found a home here. I unexpectedly acquired these things and it’s interesting how they all came about. I didn’t ask for this things (okay, I have ANThology on a list of about 1000 cds I want so I asked for that) but they came to me. To have a day as filled with this many goodies I have to wonder where I went right. This is karma at work here; Thai dubbed Chocolat is a sign of good things to come.
Also, let me just say, there is no better way to end the day than by exposing a friend to the antics and wild-ings of White House Correspondents’ Dinner (even if Jay Leno is the speaker). Brush Teeth, wash face, get in pajamas, show one more soul the sunny side of politics in the roast-like insults-hidden-in-punchlines humor that powers the WHCD. Go to bed, then do it all again.
This one’s for you, Chocolat. Aw shuck, it’s for the whole gang! Just one look at you guys and I know it’s gonna be…a Lovely Day
Here’s a glimpse at a couple art projects I have in the works. Despite my dislike of paints – nay, my hatred of paints – some masochistic tendency inside of me keeps leading me to attempt a painting again. So, here you have the beginning stage of my abstract attempt.
And below, is another canvas bag I am working on. I just watched “The Boondock Saints” for the first time the other day (which was an incredible movie for the record) so I guess all that Irish Catholic inspired the cross design.
I am thinking of adding a gallery page, to put all my designs together in one place after I post them. A very plausible possibility.
What happened to Gerard Butler? Seriously⦠he was amazing in Phantom of the Opera and 300. Now he's just that romantic comedy guy. Sad. 2010/08/30
Woah, Bed Intruder just got a second wind. Everywhere I go, it keeps popping up again. Climbing in my windows, snatching yo' people up. 2010/08/29
Arbitrary Quote
Les Misérables by Victor Lugo:To write the poem of the human conscience, were it only of a single man, were it only of the most infamous of men, would be to swallow up all epics in a superior and final epic.
